Let me start off by writing that I am not writing this for sympathy or for anyone to comment, “You can be a Stay at Home Mom if you try hard enough”. There are a lot of personal reasons that I choose to work that I am not here to debate with you about. With that being said, I do have days where I wish to be at home with my daughter instead of at work.
Here are the facts: I absolutely love my job and I am finally at a good place in my life where I feel confident and happy with my career. I leave my job feeling great and I don’t dread coming into the office like some of my previous jobs. I work in the middle of a quaint downtown area where I frequent the local coffee shops and restaurants for lunch. I also work in a community filled with a variety of moms, but I seem to run into the stay at home moms at the cute coffee shops and stores I frequent on a daily basis. Moms who are in their workout gear or moms that have dressed to the nines carrying or pushing their strollers with their bundles of joys throughout the town. They are smiling and have their babies dressed up in cute outfits and appear to be very happy. This is great until you are having a day like today where you miss your daughter and just want to be home with her instead of wondering what it would be like to be one of them.
I know better than anyone that being a mom – working or staying at home – is tough and not all roses and butterflies. I can’t help to forget that when I see these moms strolling around me, drinking their lattes and laughing with their kids at the table. I caught myself fantasizing what it would be like to not work and stay at home. I wonder how many times I would be able to get out of the house and enjoy the day at a Downtown area. I remember thinking I was lucky enough to brew a pot of coffee at home much less be able to go to an actual coffee shop. But then again, Reese was a newborn and now she is almost 8 months. She is so much fun and I find myself wondering what it would be like to plan each day with just her and I. Again, I have a great job that would allow me to take a few days off and spend time with her, but it’s still different. I find myself talking to these moms all the time to ask them about their baby and then I gush about my baby for at least 5 minutes. They are probably thinking I am a crazy stranger and hopefully they don’t think I am evil for not being at home with my baby, but I can’t help talking about her. It helps me cope and makes me feel like I am with her when I am really not.
At the end of the day, I have to remind myself that if I was the mom in the coffee shop with my baby I would see the working mom walk in. She would most likely order a a large coffee (because she was up all night with her baby having to wake up extra early to get to work), play on her phone, and run off to the next meeting with her head cut off. I would look at her and know all of her challenges, but I would also envy her being able to still juggle it all and all the pros that come with still working. Knowing myself and knowing that I always want what I can’t have, I would start to dream about her lifestyle as well. So, here is my little note to the mom I saw today.
Dear SAHM Coffee Shop Mom,
Know that when I see you, I do get jealous and I’m not going to lie about that, but I know that you are working hard and some days you feel like you want to run away. You may or may not look at the working mom and envy them. I see that you are struggling to get your daughter to put down the bags of chips and cookies because it’s breakfast time, not snack time. You are keeping your cool even when your toddler is about to blow. Keep your head up, put an extra shot of espresso in that coffee and know how blessed you are and really how blessed all of us are for having children – a job that is unfortunately not granted to everyone. Also, thank you for allowing your little girl to say hi to me, wave and smile at me because sometimes a working mom needs that to remind her about how sweet her own child is.
All the best,
Working Mom who dragged into work today and is thinking how quickly her baby will grow to have the same breakdown in the near future. You handled it pretty well I will say!
I guess what I am trying to say that no matter what route or direction you choose as a mom you are always going to dream and fantasize about the life of another mom(especially if you are on Pinterest or follow other mom blogs). It’s okay to tear up, it’s okay to have sad days, but it’s also okay to share these thoughts with other moms and hopefully other moms that don’t make you feel like crap or judge you. We are all human and mommy guilt is truly something that everyone will face no matter what your home-life is like. It’s how we deal with it that matters.
How do you deal with the dreaded Mommy Guilt?
What a fantastic post!! I work part time but love the work I do. It’s so important to be proud of whatever you choose to do. There is no one-size-fits all with parenting. Good letter too.
Thank you so much for reading! I had a moment this morning and got a little teary eyed missing my baby. I think working part time would be the best because of the balance. I agree that it definitely helps to be proud of what you do so leaving your baby behind doesn’t make you miserable. Thanks for reading!
I really loves this. Such great insight from a working mom! I work part time, and feel so lucky to work a few days and get a few days at home. The best of both worlds. This was my first time reading your blog–found you in instagram. Looking forward to reading more!
Thanks Kristen! I would love to work part time. It seems like the best of both worlds to me. Unfortunately, I haven’t found a part time job that pays as well as mine does now with benefits 🙂 Maybe some day things will just work out that way. I do love my job so that makes being a working mom easier. Thank you for reading!
What great insight about our wishes as mothers. Most days I wish I could work part time out of the home. I work at home, which many envy, however it’s difficult to wear both hats simultaneously, for me at least. It’s all about perspective, isn’t it?
That’s so true Stephanie! There isn’t one solution that works for everyone
Michelle, good post. It is a great reminder that we all wonder what it would be like to be somewhere else. I have worked full time and put my son in daycare, I have stayed home full time with the kids and I have worked part time with 3 kids. I will say that every time you are in one situation- you wonder/fantasize about the others, at least that is the case with me. You work full time- you have money but miss kids. You stay home all the time- you have no money and wish for some adult time. You work part-time-you still never have enough money but you do not feel quite as guilty. I say lets make the most of every minute we have with our little ones and don’t worry about the rest. 🙂
That is great insight and makes me feel better! Thank you for reading and giving me a glimpse into your world. I do think that working part time would be a good deal. I agree, we do need to make the most of every minute for sure because they grow soo fast!
*hugs* There is guilt everywhere. I’m a SAHM and, while I do love getting to spend my days with my daughter — I have days where I WISH I could drop her at daycare, or leave her with a nanny, and get out and be productive beyond the weekly grocery trip and house cleaning. And then comes the guilt with feeling that way. Or on the days where I let her play on the floor in front of me while I sit on my butt on the couch instead of with her because I just need a little downtime from playing. Those times I think about babies in daycare and how they’re probably never left like that. Or the ones who have SUPER MOMS who would never sit on the couch and let the baby play by themselves!
Thanks for the hugs! I think all moms could use a hug no matter if they work full time or stay at home. I remember feeling that way too about wanting to drop my daughter off at a nanny when I was with her during my maternity leave when she was so fussy! Now I think I would be better equipped to deal with the newborn fussiness but a break would have been nice then. 🙂 I feel like a crappy mom when I play on my phone while she is sitting in her high chair. Thanks for reading and for the support!