I get it, you have so many mom friends that you can’t possible fit another into the tribe you worked so hard to attract.
I started my parenting journey with little close friends nearby. Don’t get me wrong, I had plenty of ‘mom friends’ but they lived far away or were only online quick to give me advice through Facebook groups and blogs.
No matter how many times I got advice via text, phone or online, it was not the same as having someone nearby to talk to face-to-face. I yearned for friends that I could simply have adult interaction with while our kids ran wild together in the background.
Motherhood can be lonely.
I was so lonely in the early days. I went to work, picked up Reese from school, played with her for a few hours, cooked dinner, did the bed time routine and if I was lucky I got to watch one tv show before passing out.
It felt like I was living the same day over and over.
Then, we moved to another neighborhood. A subdivision that had kids coming out of everywhere. Moms galore. This was the jackpot and I couldn’t wait to make some mom friends!
Luckily, over time I made friends and now have a tribe that includes women that are super helpful, supportive and most importantly – fun.
I felt blessed. I also made a lot of mom friends through blogging. There is no shortage of moms when it comes to blogging!
My motherhood journey had taken a turn for the better and it felt good.
I considered myself pretty lucky to have so many friends in my life to lean on!
Then, I got pregnant, super tired and sick and that’s when my wall went up. Reese started a new school and dance class. My wall went up even higher.
Feeling super anti-social and miserable, I tried to avoid contact with other moms that maybe needed a good mom friend to simply talk to or laugh with.
I had become that mom that simply did not want to let anyone else into my circle. I was not ashamed to admit that I simply did not want to let anyone else into my life.
With a jam-packed schedule, I used that as my excuse for not trying to socialize with others. I barely had time or energy to devote to my husband, kids, dog, business, friends, family and the list goes on. How could I simply let anyone else in?
So, I did just that.
I avoided playdates with new moms.
Any free time I had was committed to growing my business and being with my family. Okay, let’s be real – I was really spending more time on the couch than with anyone else.
This pregnancy had turned me into a hermit crab or perhaps it turned me into a simply crabby person.
One day, I met one of the sweetest moms at Reese’s dance class.
Again, I resisted getting close to her because I simply didn’t have the energy or desire to do so. But she was so nice and approachable.
Nope, not going to do it. Avoid making new friends.
I kept my noise buried in my laptop so nobody would notice me. I would exchange small talk, but that was it. No commitments.
Then, one day everything changed.
This sweet mom told me how another mom totally gave her the cold shoulder at our daughter’s school. She explained how she waved at her and said hi. This mom simply looked at her and strolled away not acknowledging her one bit. I knew who she was talking about because I too have had similar experiences with this mom. I did not wave at her, but I always smiled. She gave me nothing in return.
What a b*#%* I would mumble under my breath.
I said, “What is her problem?”
She replied, “She might be one of those moms that already has too many mom friends and simply doesn’t want or need anymore mom friends!”
And with that one statement my wall came crashing down.
Was this a direct sign from God or what? Had I become this person that I could not stand the way they treated other moms?
How could one of the sweetest moms I have ever met be treated this way? It made me furious and then it made me realize that maybe I was giving that vibe off to others in passing.
Is that how I want to come across?
Of course not!
I had longed for more friends at one point.
I decided to let this sweet mom friend into my life and I am glad that I did. Since this conversation, we have hour long talks about parenting, how things have changed since becoming moms, and random chats about what’s happening in the world.
For one hour a week, I get to simply talk to another adult in the world uninterrupted! It’s amazing and something I took for granted when I worked full time outside the home.
My daughter and I went to her daughter’s birthday party. They had a great time!
I let her in and I am glad that I finally did. I don’t want to take friendships for granted because to some it may not be easy to make them. Making mom friends can be intimidating and hard. I never want to come across as a mean mom.
I may not be able to devote a lot of time to friends during this busy season in my life, but I can surely be a decent human being and be a friendly, welcoming person. Also, I am learning that it is okay to say “no” when I simply can’t make an event or gathering. True friends will understand.
Do you have your wall up to avoid something or someone in your life? Have you thought about what you could be missing out if you simply let your wall crash down?