The last few months of my life have been a complete whirlwind in the most incredible way. It’s amazing how life plays out. You have a set plan in your mind, but sometimes life throws curve balls and things happen in a different direction. Getting pregnant when I did was not my plan.
Surprise, we are expecting if you didn’t know already.
A plan that didn’t go my way
It was my plan to get pregnant a good year ago, but it never happened.
With Reese it took us exactly a year to conceive and that was after being told that our changes of conceiving naturally were slim to none. She was a miracle in a lot of ways. The month I scheduled our first fertility consult was the same month I got pregnant. It was the best appointment I’ve ever canceled.
I knew that the road to have another baby would be difficult, but we were ready to give it all we got. A year and a half passed and month after month I would test negative, drink some wine and allowed myself to be sad/angry for two days. Then, do it all over again.
Looking back, as much as I wanted to add another baby into our world, I think God knew best. I was in the midst of a career crisis and trying to juggle a toddler during that was hard enough. I wasn’t happy at work; I knew something had to change so I started my own marketing business. I focused more on the family. I stopped over scheduling myself and took life one day at a time.
One Sunday morning, Joel Osteen happened to be on my television. Regardless of what you think about Joel Osteen, the man has some pretty powerful words that tend to speak to me in the most perfect moments. I know that God was talking to me in that moment.
Oddly enough, Joel Osteen happened to be on my television the month before Reese was born with some very encouraging words.
I wish I would have written down word-for-word what he said to me a few months ago because it hit me like a ton of bricks. He mentioned knowing this couple that had tried every fertility treatment available with no luck. For years, they tried and tried to conceive only to be faced with pure disappointment and despair month-after-month. They were angry at God.
Okay, Joel & God. You got my attention.
Joel mentioned that this couple had been so fixated on having a baby that it’s all they could think about it. Bitterness and resentment had set in. They were in a completely dark place.
Joel quoted scripture (again, I wish I would have written it down), but basically he said, “When things aren’t going the way you want, be thankful and celebrate the opportunities that God has already given you. Appreciate him. Be grateful. Don’t forget the things that ARE going well for you.”
The couple did just that and a few months later, they conceived a child after years of not having any luck.
He was right. In that moment, my life was pretty darn great. I was fixated on the one thing that was not “going our way.”
Changing my mindset
I had a beautiful daughter, a thriving step-son, a great marriage, and a promising business that allowed me to work from home. I also had great health, wonderful relationships with family and many friends.
It was time to change my mindset and celebrate life in the present instead of fretting over the things I didn’t have.
I decided to focus all my energy on my twins – my blog and marketing businesses. I grew my business and now have five clients! I focused on myself and body. I got a gym membership, worked out more than 3x! It felt great to be back in the gym!
During the time, I had a few people ask me about how I would feel if I didn’t have another baby naturally. Would you be up for going through IUD and IVF? I still wasn’t ready to go that direction. We had such a long road getting my husband’s vasectomy reversed, I wasn’t ready to do that just yet. I hadn’t closed the door, but I hadn’t opened that door either.
My life was on pause in the baby-making department.
Coincidentally, during this time Ava Women contacted me about doing a product review on a fertility bracelet that tracks your ovulation in your sleep. Sure, why not? I was okay with that type of fertility help!
In my mind, I had accepted that our family might be complete and that was okay. I wasn’t going to let society define my happiness anymore based on whether or not I had another child. I could feel the pity that some gave me as I told them it would be okay if Reese did not have a younger sibling. It’s almost like I was speaking another language to some of them. I had to get over that feeling and do what was best for our family, not their’s.
When I found out I was pregnant
Let’s fast forward to when I found out I was pregnant. I was not tracking my days anymore or obsessing about finding the right time to get busy. I was so busy that I did not realize I was not suffering from my extreme mood swings caused by PMS. My new-found positivity had to be the reason… or so I thought.
I went to the gym, had a great workout!
I came back home when I realized that “my girls” looked huge in my sports bra. I immediately got mad because that means I am gaining weight. How can that be when I have been working out so much?
In the middle of a casual text conversation with one of my girlfriends, I made a joke that I am either getting fat or I am pregnant.
She did not find this funny, but rather urged me to get a pregnancy test right away.
My husband was working overtime for the weekend. I loaded Reese up, headed to Kroger and bought a few tests. Oh, and a bottle of red wine. You know my ritual.
Came home, stared at the pregnancy for a really long time.
I didn’t want to experience failure yet again. Perhaps I will wait. I was in a great mood and not ready to be depressed.
She kept texting me… “Well… are you?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t taken it yet. Too scared of the results.”
“Do it already!”
“Okay, fine!”
Within seconds, there was a faint line and it said I was pregnant.
All I could do is stand there in pure shock and hyperventilate in pure excitement.
“This is insane!” I said over and over again. With Chad working Oktoberfest, I had an opportunity to truly surprise him. But, he wasn’t going to get home until well after midnight.
Until then, I invited my girlfriend over, we celebrated the news on my front patio and she listened to me say, “This is insane.” over and over again.
Later that night, I was awoken by Chad saying, “Are you for real?”
Kisses, hugs, and tears followed. I was still in shock.
The following day I took at least two more tests to make for sure. I felt great but knew that any day my morning sickness could strike. (and it has!)
In retrospect
In every life-changing moment, I try to learn something. I think what God was trying to teach me is that I am not in control of every aspect of my life as much as I want to be. When people say it’s about time you have another one, I want to scream to the rooftops that I am not in control.
There is no perfect formula for the perfect happy family. Having no child or one child does not make your family any less whole. Same for having a large family. Blended families can be wonderful too, believe me. There is no perfect family make up.
I know in my heart that this baby will make our family complete. I thank God every day (even on the days I feel horrible) for this blessing and I strive to not take it for granted.
If you are struggling with disappointment, know that sometimes you need to put life on pause, focus on the good and don’t take life so seriously. Don’t lose faith either.
That’s what I did and here we are. I can’t guarantee my method will work for you (if you are in a situation where things aren’t going as planned), but what I will say is that the mind is a powerful thing.
Sometimes our thoughts and doubts become our reality whether that is good or bad.
Harness your mind in the right direction, do what is best for YOU, and always celebrate the good that is happening in your life.
