I know what you are thinking… What a weird headline. Why wouldn’t you go with your Plan A in the first place?
There are many reasons that people do not go for things that they truly want: fear of the unknown, distaste for change, or the chance of utter failure and humiliation. Not to mention that it can be scary to not go a “safe” and “stable” path in life.
Since I was a little girl I loved to write and speak through a microphone any chance that I had. Some people thought I was a loud mouth. I thought I was a reporter. I started a newspaper in 5th grade that was highly popular among my classmates until it was shut down by the principal for the gossip column my friend and I wrote. My first case of libel on the books. I also have home videos of weather reports from my backyard where my cousin would hose down my umbrella to make it look like I was in bad weather. In high school I was in yearbook and I decided to go to college to study Journalism. I graduated with a Broadcast Journalism degree with two internships under my belt. I guess you could say that writing and journalism were in my blood. Unfortunately, I decided to go the “safe” route upon graduation.
My Plan A was to always be a writer or news reporter, but I choose my Plan B and worked behind the scenes of public relations and event planning because there were more jobs and a better chance of making money. All I wanted was to make money. Also, at the time I was focused on family even though the reality was that was far into the future. I was putting the cart before the horse so to speak. I didn’t want to give up years working on little money and moving town-to-town with a slight hope of making it in the broadcast journalism field. And, I was scared of the unknown.
My Plan B has been everything a Plan B should be: safe, secure, pays the bills, and comfortable. Writing was always there in the back of my mind, but never in the forefront. My jobs in the last decade have provided steady paychecks and I am thankful for that.
My Plan B transformed into a Plan C when I had Reese. I wanted something even safer, so I went back to graduate school to get a teaching certificate because I enjoyed working with kids in the past and I thought the schedule would be more conducive to a “family” life than an “event planner” schedule.
Juggling parenthood, a blog, school, marriage and a full time job simply became too much. I didn’t enjoy studying teaching as much as I enjoyed writing. I became obsessed with writing and bored with school.
My Plan B tells me to graduate from school, get a teaching job, and enjoy the perks of being off all summer to be with my daughter.
My Plan B tells me everything will work out. Bills will be paid. Life will move on. Things will be comfortable. Plus, you are serving children and that is wonderful! Which it is, but it takes a special person to have the patience to teach children all day and come home to your own at the end of the day with the energy for your own children. Teachers are amazing and I have so much respect for them. I know I would be great at it, but again it’s my Plan B.
My mind agrees with Plan B, but my heart disagrees. My heart is telling me to follow my voice. The voice that is a writer.
The struggle in my mind continued for a few months. Instead of worrying about it, I decided to pray and let there be signs to help guide my decision. There were plenty of signs:
- My dad finding my 5th grade Newspaper in an old box in the attic and bringing it to my house.
- Getting published on new websites that I dreamed of being on: Mamalode, for example.
- The desire to start another blog (McKinney Moms Blog) instead of doing homework.
- The fact that I have had other opportunities to be a teacher and I was overlooked many times. Doors were not opening for me when other doors in other areas were wide open or slightly ajar.
- Great things are happening at my current full time job that I don’t want to miss out on and I do have a flexible schedule that works for my family.
What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants.
I dropped out of graduate school to see where this Spring will take me when I really focus on writing.
I don’t like to be a quitter, but I have also come to realize that life is too short to do things you don’t enjoy. I know this because I see ones that I love slowly getting older and slipping away too weak to enjoy the things that once loved.
I can always go back to my Plan B, but as time goes on Plan A slips further and further away.
For now I am going to focus on my family, writing, blogging and seeing where life takes me without my Plan B.
Who knows maybe I will make it as a big shot writer able to write from home and be with my kids anytime I want. I will be my own boss. Someday.
I guess the point I am trying to make is that for once I want to go with my Plan A and see if it works out. It may not work out, but at least I know I tried. To me that is all I can ask. For now, I will continue to focus on being a good wife, mother, worker, friend, and writer.
The moment I push “Publish” is the moment I feel alive. Thank you for reading my writing and sharing my passion for this craft while knowing that there is always room for improvement in all areas of our lives.
Are you living a Plan A or Plan B Life?
Maybe my Plan A was really my Plan B…
Now that is a paradox!