Nowadays when I walk through my house during the week, I am dodging a multitude of random items. Barbies, dress up shoes, and puzzles to name a few. It’s not unusual now to find a marker without a lid hidden under the couch or a crayon misplaced in the wrong bin.
It wasn’t always like this during the week. Sure, my house was messy, but play toys weren’t always scattered through the house.
You see, for the past 3 years of my daughter’s life I have worked full-time outside of the home. Our idea of play during the week was bath time. There simply wasn’t enough hours once we got home. Dinner had to be made and my energy was lacking. I was going through the motions. Just waiting until bedtime was over when I could relax and enjoy a little bit of ‘me’ time.
Something had to change. And it did…
I said adios to the corporate world in July and decided to focus on my blog and social media business to work at home and spend more time with my child. We pulled her out of a very expensive school and opted for a mom’s day out program.
Now, while others are sending their children back to school, I have mine at home with me more than I ever have and it’s been an adjustment. Not a bad way, but different.
The other day I simply watched her dancing and singing in the corner of her playroom. I couldn’t help but smile at that moment. I was at home living in the present watching my proudest accomplishment play. Sounds cheesy, right? I wasn’t thinking of the million deadlines I had to meet or the sales quota that wasn’t being met.
Rather, I thought about how lucky I was to be her mom.
Sometimes I catch myself staring at her in wonder.
I wonder what she is thinking and how she views the world.
I wonder when she will switch moods and want candy instead of the healthy dinner I slaved over. Will I cave in?
I wonder what would’ve happened if I decided to play it safe in a career that was not fulfilling. I can’t think in the past so I stop myself. No regrets, right?
It is possible to fall in love again with the same person.
Although, our recent moment at Target, had me falling OUT of love. It’s funny how quickly that happens, but overall I have fallen in love with my daughter again and it feels wonderful. I am learning who she is and watching her grow in a present state of mind instead of a rushed and hectic state.
Knowing that these three years have flown by, makes me cherish the moments we have together now. She won’t always randomly tell me “She loves me” and “Wants to snuggle”. Hopefully, the word “No” will also pass in her vocabulary, but from what I hear that is doubtful.
I am not writing this to make working parents feel guilty either because that is not my agenda.
I guess what I am trying to say is for me I was not great at juggling a full-time career working for someone else and having enough energy for my family.
Parenting is hard enough no matter if you stay at home, work at home or work outside the home.
I see working parents who are successful and happy. I also see full time stay at home moms who are doing a great job and are thriving. Admittedly, I don’t think I am built for either.
I think I have finally found the balance that works: The Work at Home Mom. Granted, I do have her in school part-time to help me focus on work. It’s never enough time though.
Some days are challenging.
Most days I run out of ideas to keep her entertained.
There are many days I can’t focus to save my life to write, but somehow I do it.
I have fallen in love again with my daughter, but more importantly I have fallen in love with my husband again who didn’t laugh in my face when I told him I couldn’t stop thinking about quitting my job to start this next chapter.
He could’ve told me I was crazy. We could have fought over this over and over to live in a state of misery and resentment.
But he didn’t and I love him for that.
I love this life that God has given me and will strive to not take it for granted. Of course, there are a few things that aren’t going to my plan, but in the wise words of my close friend, I will start “living the life that was given to me, instead of the life I planned!”