You are probably wondering, “What does a Breast Pump and Speed Bump have anything to do with one another?” Well, I have found out that there is a connection and when the two meet it isn’t pretty, but it can make for a funny story! But, let’s talk about that story later…
I have two relationships when it comes to breastfeeding: one with my daughter and one with my breast pump. Never in my wildest imagination would I have known how much a backpack breast pump would effect my everyday life. Now that I am back to work, I do spend more time nursing with my pump then I do with my own daughter.
Let’s calculate the time spent pumping: 3x a day for 15 minutes a session/5 days a week for the past 5 months. I am going to estimate that I have spent over 80 hours just pumping! Holy smokes or should I say Holy (milking) Cow?
During that time, I have had some pretty funny experiences that I wanted to share and to make me laugh because the entire pumping process can be tedious and sometimes it funny to look back on it and laugh. Lessons learned from being a Pumping Mom:
- Your modesty (and normal bras) goes out the window or shall I say the car window because the public can see you through your very own car when you are pumping in an open parking lot, so be sure to cover up or don’t because who really cares when you have to feed your child!
- Speaking of cars – yes, I have pumped while driving. It’s called multi-tasking and thank goodness for the hands free bra and car adapters. (Warning: Do not try this in your first few weeks of pumping and please don’t speed while pumping because I can only imagine the awkwardness of that!)
- Men (especially bosses) are awkward about pumping so just get used to it and laugh about it.
- Some women love to share their own nursing stories and it can be helpful or it can be very annoying!
- Inevitably you will drop the membrane and valve parts in the sink drain when you decided to use the sink disposal so have extras on hand. Bye bye!
- The pumping noise will always be stuck in your mind.
- You will accidentally spill your milk and it will suck! There is sense in crying over spilt milk people!
Back to Breast Pumps and Speed Bumps– As parents you are always running late. My husband and I were rushing to get to a birthday dinner so we wouldn’t be late. This was our first real night out sans the baby and we didn’t want to be labeled as the late parents. We rushed from one location to the next. I sat in the backseat because it was broad daylight and I needed to pump before we started our evening. Mind you I would have pumped at home before but we were running from one place to the other so the car had to be the space.
Meanwhile, my sweet husband does not know how to get to the restaurant since we were out of towners. I kindly tell him to look at his iPhone and use this handy application called Google Maps to figure it out because I am busy trying to get all of my pump parts hooked up, the ac adapter plugged in and my hands free bra together all while trying to be sly about it because it appears we are heading towards heavy traffic within a construction zone. I pride myself on being a multi tasker, but I do have limits. I could not do all of those things and look up directions. You have two jobs sweet husband (I thought to myself), to drive and figure out the directions! I am busy making dinner for our child!
So, the milk is pumping (finally), we are loudly talking to each other because we stress ourselves out when it comes to directions. I tell him he is effecting my milk flow because we all know that pumping is mental and any stress totally ruins the session. Just when I thought it couldn’t be any worse, sweet husband decides to take the “back roads” to bypass construction and we hit a huge speed bump, usually not a problem – unless you are pumping in the backseat!!! Ouch, ouch, and oh snap, you better not have spelt any of this liquid gold in my car.
One bump, okay, I understand, two bumps, you are starting to annoy me, three bumps, WTH, four bumps, learn how to drive, and five bumps later my poor boobs feel like they fought in battle and I am left wondering why the heck this neighborhood has so many speed bumps?
This whole time – we are laughing, screaming, and wondering how our lives became this. We have a good sense of humor, but I restricted my sweet husband from ever driving in a residential area with speed bumps ever again as long as I am pumping in the backseat. He is also required to look up and read the directions before we even turn the key to the car.
We arrived at dinner (late of course) and looked at each other. We might have yelled a few mean things at each other, we might have even made a list of all the things we do more than the other (You don’t know what it feels like to pump all the time and You don’t know what it feels like to do all that I have to do as a dad and listen to you whine), but before we walked into dinner with our friends, we simply laughed about the situation, shrugged and said in unison, “I think it’s time for a drink!”
All Smiles at Dinner
One of the greatest things about my husband and I’s marriage is that we can joke with one each other and even stress each other out from time-to-time, but when it’s all said and done we are just two new parents trying to figure this whole parenting thing out on top of the breastfeeding/pumping scenario. We figured out a long time ago that sleep deprivation makes you do crazy things and makes you (kind of) stress about things that are minor looking back. We handle it all with a sense of humor and that is what gets us through the crazy and stressful parenting moments.
One day, I envision Reese wasting food at the table and me saying… “Do you know all the hard work that goes through making your meal?” Then, I hear my sweet husband saying, “Oh dear, here we go again.. She isn’t ever going to let the speed bump story down!” Oh poor girl, she doesn’t even know the crazy stories coming ahead!
And on that note, I will never look at a speed bump the same again and I will always respect the hard work that goes into pumping.